Quick take : Vacation Re-Entry, Fatherhood is Humility and Progress
Being a dad of a neurodivergent child is remembering, fatherhood is humility and progress. We were away from home for over 3 weeks; most in New Orleans with a finish in Panama CIty Beach. Art camp, an unexpected Pokémon event, wandering & exploring, good times, disappointing times, learning… always learning. I bent to him, he bent to me – sort of. I got better at reading cues, preempting overwhelm, choosing my moments. Then Panama City Beach: the kid who told me he wouldn’t get in the water, playing in the waves with me the evening we arrived and snorkeling for hours every day after, netting crabs and exploring the sea floor. He grew—curious, brave, lit up. And as always, comfortable with who he is and making friends, everywhere. That kid teaches me a lot.
And then reentry. Travel that should’ve taken half a day took a day and a half – bodies were worn and nerves were frayed. I’m talking about me. It took a lot of planning to get home and patience keeping him at ease. So of course, upon re-entry I blew it.
I came in hot with big expectations—like all that growth meant we’d “fixed” it. He came in trying to adapt to non-vacation life, less freedom and more “No”. I took his adjustment period personally, lectured, snapped. After nearly four good weeks, I was starting to go backwards.
On the road, accommodating kept us connected—and he stretched because of it. Back home, the work is to keep that mindset: fewer, clearer asks; transitions with warning; choices that aren’t traps; praise I don’t make him earn. That’s not coddling; that’s scaffolding.
What was I thinking when we got back home? It’s almost like I started to look at my life as people on the outside often view families like ours. I didn’t treat coming home as re-entry, I treated it as a reset with ridiculous expectations of obedience… I hate that word, but I think that is it. It’s like I had some crazy idea that we’d return as an American poster family. Even those that appear to be aren’t, so what the hell was I thinking?
OK, reminder on the work I’ve put in: PDA/ADHD blowups aren’t greed or ingratitude; they’re distress. My job isn’t to win the moment—it’s to lower the demand, add runway, and listen for the message under the behavior. Growth on a trip doesn’t erase the hard parts at home; it just shows me what’s possible when the environment fits the nervous system.
The lesson (for me, mostly): progress isn’t a magic switch. It’s reps. It’s me being less performative, more patient; taking the “No” as information, not an insult. Fatherhood is learning a PDA/ADHD nervous system. When I remembered that, this last week softened. And the 2 days that followed? Not perfect. Gentler. Communicative. Kind. And isn’t that what a happy family is?