Why don’t we agree?
Perception is something that I have a hard time understanding. How many times have you had someone retell a story involving you, where you have a fundamentally different recollection? Or worse, the person you are talking to are assigning intent and emotion to your actions.
How much of that is on them, and how much might be you? That actually you are the one who is misremembering things, that maybe you actually did have those intentions? I think the personality of the person you are speaking with plays an important role in conflicting recollection.
I just left a conversation with a friend, listening to him tell me things about my feelings and retelling my words as they recollected them. So far from anything I ever felt at the time or since, yet I was actually defending. As I was doing, so I began to realize that this never happened. How can I be sure of this? Well, it actually did happen but in a different context and relates a different person.
The person I was speaking with had no ill intent and was not trying to misrepresent anything. Their sense of self and need to see themselves as the most intelligent person in the room made him see things differently. It placed him in the position of being the hero of the story. This was not a misunderstanding but rather a conversation with a person who so needs to be the center that he convinced himself of a series of events that never occurred.
I believe that we are all capable of this. I do my best to consider how things are seen from another point of view, acknowledge verbally to the person I am speaking with that I could be seeing things in a manner not accurate. But I need to remember to pay careful attention to how the person I am speaking with is positioning himself in the story.
I spend a lot of time with a narcissist and realize that it’s important for them to be the center of all that is right. That they view all around them as incompetent and that he has this magical memory that is always correct. That you could have just explained something to him to retell the same as if it never came out of your mouth. Does that mean this person is out to hurt you, not necessarily? Sometimes it’s just their minds way of playing into their beliefs that they are infallible.
Before you cave into them as a means of avoiding conflict consider their interactions with others. It will help you have a healthy relationship with them and will also allow you to retain your dignity and stand up for yourself. And do it sooner rather than later to avoid becoming overly angry. I can bet that would only empower them more and reinforce their belief of righteousness.